Funnies...

Accidentally used the dog's shampoo today and I'm feeling like such a good boy.

At checkout counter, the bag boy asks, "Paper or plastic?"

Customer: "I don't care, you pick one."

Bag boy: "I can't."

Customer: "Why not?"

Bag boy: " 'Cause, baggers can't be choosers!"

Emergency Contact

Wife - Just realized my emergency contact is my husband. The same man who can't find his wallet, doesn't know his doctor's name, and ignores unknown calls... yeah, call him.

 

Belt Extender

Since a friend of mine is rather overweight, whenever she flies, she requests a seat belt extender from the flight attendant.

On a recent trip, she was removing the belt when she noticed it had a small brass plate etched with a statement that the belt was in compliance with the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Standard Order specifying the construction of such extenders.

However, what she saw at the time was the engraved message: "Conforms to FAATSO."

 

A man walks into an ice cream shop and says, "Can I have a pint of chocolate ice cream, please?" The clerk looks up and says "Sorry sir, but we don't have any chocolate left."

After careful pondering the man says, "OK, I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream, then..." The clerk grows frustrated and replies "No, I'm sorry, there IS NO CHOCOLATE."

The man apologizes and stares at the menu for a while, and then says "Fine, give me just one scoop of chocolate ice cream please."

The clerk takes a breath and says, "Sir, could you please spell VAN, as in Vanilla?" The man is intrigued, and so spells out "V-A-N."

The clerk nods. "Now spell STRAW, as in strawberry, please?" "S-T-R-A-W," replies the man.

"And finally, spell STINK, as in chocolate?"

The man starts to say, "S-T... wait a minute, there's no 'stink' in chocolate!"

"NOW we understand each other!" the clerk exclaims.

Tourist: "What an interesting necklace. What is it made of?"

Native: "Alligator's teeth."

Tourist: "I suppose they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

Native: "Oh no, no! Anybody can open an oyster."

Bear does Halloween.
x.com/YisraelOfficial/status/1985671903005327535
 

SWest wrote:

photo of Plymouth Rock w "Climate Change"

joke's on you. in your own photo Plymouth Rock is protected by an open air building that was built on dry land but is now under water. so, not "climate change", but climate change.

ps: and once again, maga posts political B.S. and is allowed to slide.

H1Vindicator wrote:

SWest wrote:

photo of Plymouth Rock w "Climate Change"

joke's on you. in your own photo Plymouth Rock is protected by an open air building that was built on dry land but is now under water. so, not "climate change", but climate change.

ps: and once again, maga posts political B.S. and is allowed to slide.

Take a breath, I think in this case the reference is very loose to the point that it doesn't warrant further attention