Funnies...

Car For Sale...

Awesome commuter car. 1992 VW Golf 5 speed for sale. The mileage is only 14 miles, for real!

Always taken care of and used only in 1st gear and reverse. Tires and
brakes are authentic and have never been replaced.

Buyer must come pick up the car.
Must drive to appreciate!

House in the country .... $1 Million

Three luxury cars .... $150,000

Bring so cheap you turn OFF the heat during a cold Wisconsin winter............ PRICELESS!

Leaving town during a cold Wisconsin winter without turning off the water pipes in your garage ............ MORE THAN PRICELESS!


[img][url=https://www.smugmug.com/gallery/n-gsHDN/i-7LKzp3B/A][img]https://photos.smugmug.com/photos/i-7LKzp3B/0/MnWPvTtzp7J3KtKWWm86GBzxmjvLrsVqdPnMvGH3r/L/i-7LKzp3B-L.jpg[/img][/url][/img]

I find this funny

It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels...


 

 ...and his innovative problem solving skills   



 

nun is just the letter n doing a somersault...

I had to give up my vegetarian diet... turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows!

Italian with dementia: "I fuhgoddaboudit !"

 

Thesauruses...


A truck carrying thousands of copies of thesauruses overturned this morning.

Onlookers were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless and perplexed...
 

Thesuari ?

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, he was failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective.
His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch.
Asked what has helped him so much, he responded "When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

sf4t7 wrote:

Thesuari ?

Only if they are in Latin.

Recent studies have shown you shouldn't brush your teeth with your left hand.

A toothbrush is better.
 

When Jacob was finally given an exit visa by the Russians and allowed to immigrate to Israel, he was told he could only take what he could put into one suitcase. At Moscow airport, he was stopped by customs and an official shouted, “Open your case at once.”

Jacob did what he was told. The official searched through his case and pulled out something wrapped in newspaper. He unwrapped it and saw it was a bust of Stalin.

“What is that?” he shouted at Jacob.

Jacob replied, “You shouldn’t ask ‘What is that?’ – you should ask ‘Who is that?’ That is our glorious leader Stalin. I’m taking it to remind me of the wonderful things he did for me and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind.”

The official sneered. “I always knew you Jews were mad. Go, and take the bust with you.”

When Jacob arrived at Ben Gurion airport, a customs officer said, “Shalom, welcome to Israel, open your case, please!”

Jacob’s case was once again searched and not surprisingly the bust was found.

“What is that?” asked the officer.

Jacob replied, “You shouldn’t ask ‘What is that?’ – you should ask ‘Who is that?’ That is Stalin the bastard. I want to spit on it every day to remind me of all the suffering and misery he caused me.”

The official laughed, “I always knew you Russians were mad. Go, and take the bust with you.”

When Jacob arrived at his new home, his young nephew watched him as he unpacked. Jacob carefully unwrapped the bust of Stalin and put it on the table. “Who is that?” asked his nephew.

Jacob replied, “You shouldn’t ask ‘Who is that?’ – you should ask ‘What is that?’ That is five kilos of gold.”