Horrible maintanence tips from Tim

Ok, first off... To anyone actually looking for help on this forum

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> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT DO ANYTHING THAT IS LISTED BELOW :sick:

I thought it would be funny as hell to make a list of aweful ways to maintain your car or motorcycle so here it goes.

- It helps to add a bit of sand to your gastank and remove any fuel filters that maybe be inside, or inline for the fuel supply. Adding sand can greatly improve your motorcycle's ability to have properly lubricated cylinders. Less compression=Less friction+Easier
movement with the pistons in the cylinders.

-If you have a motorcycle with Constant velocity carburetors, take the top caps off of the carbs. Then take a needle and poke 3 holes in each of the diaphragms. This will enable fuel to spread throughout the carburetor better which enables your cylinders to pull fuel better.

-A good way to make your overhead cam motorcycle or car run better is to remove the valve cover and loosen the cam chain tensioner. Then Give the chain a good pop with your hand to make it loosen off of the guides. After you have done this, pull the chain away from the cam sprokets or pullies and rotate the cam about half a turn. Do this with both cams. Then let the cam chain sit back down on the sprockets and re-assemble. You do this because the factory service repair manual is 100% incorrect on how you do the timing on your bike. Its better if you just guess. If you follow the instructions in the manual your timing will be wrong and you will bend your intake and exhaust valves.


-A very good way to make the gears spin faster in your Differential (on rear wheel drive vehicles) is to pull the cover off of the differential. Let all the fluid drain out and gently remove the gears inside. Throw them away. Put the cover back on. Differentials are magical and do not require gears to function.

-A good way to clean the rust out of the gas tank in any vehicle, is to remove the gas cap. Then insert 20-30 marbles into the fuel hole. After you have done this, add bleach to really get rid of all the germs inside the gas tank. Remove any fuel filters and re-assemble. Drive the vehicle like this for the rest of the time you own it.


-After any engine rebuild, make sure that your regular operating speed during engine break in is at least above 8500 RPM. If this is an Aircooled motor, make sure that the vehicle is not moving anywhere. If the motor is watercooled, make sure you drain the radiator of its fluid and run the engine like this for a minimum of 30 minutes. This will help the rings seat better.

Once again.. dont do anything in this list :laugh: Dont know if this type of think is a no no on this forum but i thought you guys might think its funny.

:laugh: It is funny! Sadly, some owners have done nearly everything you described. Another fine tip is to hacksaw off the exhaust headers about 5" down from the cylinder head. This will reduce backpressure and add about 50 horsepower to any gasoline engine (be careful doing this to a little KZ200 because the extra 50 hp may be too much for the frame). Oh, and don't forget, remove all air filtration (stock or pods) from the carbs - that filtration just slows down airflow and reduces power - plus, it isn't needed because air is pure and clean (heck, that's why it's invisible)! Ed

650ed wrote: :laugh: It is funny! Sadly, some owners have done nearly everything you described. Another fine tip is to hacksaw off the exhaust headers about 5" down from the cylinder head. This will reduce backpressure and add about 50 horsepower to any gasoline engine (be careful doing this to a little KZ200 because the extra 50 hp may be too much for the frame). Oh, and don't forget, remove all air filtration (stock or pods) from the carbs - that filtration just slows down airflow and reduces power - plus, it isn't needed because air is pure and clean (heck, that's why it's invisible)! Ed

HAHAAA :laugh:

:laugh:

The farther you advance your ignition the more horsepower you can add to your engine!
Just rotate your ignition plate as far counter-clockwise as possible, thus ensuring maximum power.

The louder she bangs the faster she'll go!

:laugh:

dont forget the "just throw some saw dust in with the oil"
thatll stop it smoking

Make sure you load the cylinders up with as much starter fluid as possible. You do this on rebuilt motors when first starting them to ensure maximum performance.

A good way to prevent your clutch plates from slipping is to over tighten your clutch cable. It may feel like the clutch is not all the way engaged on your first ride but it will get better.

If you have leaky fork seals, take a hand drill and put two holes in the bottom of each fork. Make sure you have a pan of some sort to catch any oil that may come out. After you have done this, put a bolt in each hole you drilled and your done. There is no way to repair leaky forks.

When replacing a valve cover gasket, make sure you use gasket sealant around the whole gasket surface but not on the cam end caps. While tightening down the bolts (if you do not have a torque wrench) Crank each bolt with a socket wrench about 15 times from hand tight.

jeffasaki wrote: dont forget the "just throw some saw dust in with the oil"
thatll stop it smoking

Good god, i wouldnt even do that on a crappy old lawnmower

The best way to get Maximum power is to take the carbs off and just run 4 fuel lines directly into the intake ports, this acts like a supercharger and you don't need those pesky throttle blades or slides anyways!! Oh and don't forget to run 117.5 to 1 compression on that supercharged turbo powered engine, the more compression the better. Just use a little loc-tite on the head nuts or the head may separate from the block. :woohoo:

If you battery has a low charge and it only "clicks" when you hit the starer button, Take the terminal that would normally be for the negative post and bolt it to the positive post. When you move the positive terminal to the negative, you should see a good spark when you touch the wire to the post. Let it sit like this for a few hours and any residual charge that was left in the harness with be directed to the battery. This works every time.