Machine Shop Tools Explained

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16 Jul 2012 21:40 #536433 by 750steve
Machine Shop Tools Explained was created by 750steve
Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh s---!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VICE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use

BASTARD TOOL Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage/shed while yelling B****!' at the top of your lungs, It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

07 ZX6R Race Bike
1977 Z750 B2 Twin
1976 Z650 B1

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16 Jul 2012 22:02 #536438 by Motor Head
Replied by Motor Head on topic Machine Shop Tools Explained
Pretty funny stuff there 750Steve. :P
I like the "Floor Jack" one. :blink:

1982 KZ1000LTD K2 Vance & Hines 4-1 ACCEL COILS Added Vetter fairing & Bags. FOX Racing rear Shocks, Braced Swing-arm, Fork Brace, Progressive Fork Springs RT Gold Emulators, APE Valve Springs, 1166 Big Bore kit, RS34's, GPZ cams.
1980 KZ550LTD C1 Stock SOLD Miss it
1979 MAZDA RX7 in the works, 13B...

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17 Jul 2012 20:07 #536631 by drfantastik
Replied by drfantastik on topic Machine Shop Tools Explained
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I LOVE IT!!! The best part is that I have a little memory movie of either my dad or grandfather for almost every one of those :woohoo:

\'77 KZ650C
Harrisburg, PA

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04 Oct 2013 13:49 #608775 by Eleventy7
Replied by Eleventy7 on topic Machine Shop Tools Explained
I'm new to this site and was looking for tools information. This has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Hilarious. Thanks.

1976 KZ900-A4

Cogito ergo, what?

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04 Oct 2013 23:52 #608820 by elfmagic17
Replied by elfmagic17 on topic Machine Shop Tools Explained
Hammer: Also useful in locating that hidden thumb located under that part you are trying to "adjust".

Kenny Hicks
74 Honda CB550
75 Honda CB360 (runs and rides good but not a show bike)
77 KZ650B1 (Runs Great, but needs painted and a little work.)

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17 Jan 2014 01:36 #618915 by aliciarohail
Replied by aliciarohail on topic Machine Shop Tools Explained
I'd like to get a toolkit/roadkit for my 1981 KZ550 LTD as the original one is missing. Do you guys have any recommendations, either for an off the shelf kit or a custom one you've built up? If you have a custom one I'd love to see a list of what you've got in it to help me shop!

pass-4-sure www.pass-4-sure.biz
leatherjackets leather jacket

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