was reading one of those magazines from back in the day that I saved from the recycle (pardon the pun) bin. One editorial by Joe Zambone of Rider Magazine was entitled "Murphy's Law. Two Wheeled Version"
1. When your fuel gauge is bouncing on empty, gas stations in remote areas sense this and either close early or go out of business.
2. The sign that says "Mastercharge/Visa" was put up by the establishments previous owner and is no longer valid.
3. Back country roads are only repaired while you're traveling on them.
4. Shortcuts suggested by "natives" realer are.
5. Flat tires never occur on your driveway; a corollary suggests that the chances of a tire going flat are directly proportional to its price and inversely proportional to its age.
6. The part you want has been in stock for the last 13 months, and will continue to be stocked until 57 minutes before you desperately need it. ~ Been there
7. You cannot accurately calculate the trajectory of a speeding dog, (or deer or sasquatch)~ Been there
8. Speeding dogs will attack only your bike while ignoring all others in the state. ~ Been there
9. Headlights only burn out at night, a corollary to Murphy's Law state that burnouts never occur on straight stretches of level, well-lit road. ~ Been there
10. The map term improved road, was coined by a Madison Avenue ad writer who worked on the Edsel Account. ~ Been there
11. Weather forecasts are accurate only if you stay home. ~ Been there
12. Record heat waves, or record chill factors only occur when you visit that area. ~ Been there
13. Birds never whitecap on dirty motorcycles.
14. The last motel always displays a No Vacancy sign.
15. Trying for an extra 100 miles on any given day causes engine breakdowns that would never happen otherwise.
16. No matter where you live, the time of day or where you're heading the sun is in your face 86 percent of the time. ~ Been there
17. The odds are 11-to-1 that the automatic toll booth you select was just visited by a yo-yo using funny money/
18. Somewhere in America there's a blue-haired Buick driver that has your number. ~ Been there
19. The only glove that you'll ever lose fits the throttle hand.
20. A motorcycle cannot be stalled unless people are watching, the corollary says that that the odds of stalling increase geometrically for every additional spectator and rise astronomically in proportion to self-image. ~Seen this happen
21. Motorcycles cannot fall over without an audience. ~Seen this happen
22. Your battery will only present a problem when you've lashed 200 pounds of camping gear against the sissy bar using two linear miles of bungee cords, thus blocking access to the seat.
23. A rest stop's distance is proportional to the severity of the weather and to the degree of your fatigue, conversely, the distance is inversely proportional to your bladder size.
24. There are only 23 traffic sensors in America that can be triggered by a motorcycle weighing less than 1,400 pounds. ~ Been there
25. When stuck at a traffic signal that refuses to acknowledge your presence, odds are 7-to-1 that somewhere in view is a traffic cop who regret writing the ticket for your running a red light.
26. If you're female, and you break down along any road in America, odds are 12-to-1 that if you need assistance your distress will be answered by a male chauvinist pig. 19-to1 that he'll ask you how you can possibly handle such a big bike, and 1 in 33 that he'll be able to help you.
27. Somewhere in America, there's a suicidal bird with your name on it. Chances of it committing
hara-kiri are directly proportional to your speed. ~ Been there
28. You cannot outguess the driver of a dented, vintage, six-dollar station wagon with at least five rug rats in it. You have a slightly better chance if the curtain-climber count is four or less. ~ Been there
29. Traffic will mysteriously appear on a deserted stretch of road whenever you stop to water the petunias. The colliery states that when you need help in the same spot, everyone within 100 miles is on vacation. ~ Been there
30. Whatever you need from the duffle bag is at the bottom. On the other hand, anything you try to hide will rise to the top.
31. A tent has one less peg than it has peg loops.
32. Droughts can be cured by planning a weekend trip. ~ Been there
33. There is always one more mosquito in the tent. ~ Been there
34. Maintenance-free items on a motorcycle aren't ~ Been there
35. A hardware store in the middle of nowhere will stock fuses for SkyLab II, among other things, but not for your model of motorcycle.
36. A new space-age type of asphalt allows speed bumps to appear only half as high as they really are.
37. The bug committing suicide on your visor was genetically programmed to hit the precise spot you look through. ~goes without saying ~ Been there
38. Bees hover above roads with their stingers aimed at oncoming traffic, however they only do this when they sense any open face shield and an oncoming bike sans windshield. ~ Been there, but visor down, leather jacket open to a bare chest.
39. When you visit strange taverns there's always one in the crowd that who thinks modern bikes ain't half what his used to be. ~Sadly, soon to be there (Summer '17)
40. The cost of any motorcycle part is inversely proportional to your wallet's depth, the corollary states that when you're flush, nothing ever breaks.
41. The expensive accessory you buy one day will be advertised at 50 percent off the following day.
42. No matter how long you've faithfully renewed your driver's license, it will expire one day before you're stopped at a random traffic check.
43. Items do not fall off tourists' cars unless a motorcycle is following.
44. Motorcycle dealers stock every type and style of replacement tire, except the one your bike needs.
45. The only phone on a lonely late-night highway is out of order.
46. Deer only cross roads when they sense motorcycles approaching. ~ Been there, but is was caribou
47. Broken-down cars only stop in the middle of Highways if there's a blind curve handy.
48. There's an exception to every rule, including Murphy's Law
Sure you can trust the Government.....
ask any indian
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