The Way of Motorcycle Ninjiutsu

"When I am a master of motorcycle ninjiutsu, I will be as the housefly. The actions of the earthly world will unfold with liquid slowness because they are seen a thousand times faster than I had seen them. I will react and streak away from a car as a fly flees the clumsy hand--with impunity and grace."
--Rev-D 893










The Way of Motorcycle Ninjiutsu
part one






I want to be a motorcycle ninja. An unstoppable motorcycle warrior on any road and any motorcycle. As a moto-ninja, I want to be able to powerslide through a plate glass window, ride up 5 flights of stairs, wheelie through the solid oak door of a top floor apartment and jump the bike through another plate glass window onto a neighboring rooftop to escape a persuer. Maybe I'll never be able to do that, but I'll shoot for the stars and maybe I'll hit the flag pole. Either way, it's better than aiming low and shooting the neighbor's dog. In most cases.
I want to be able to ride any type of motorcycle in any type of condition. I want to learn to be an expert mechanic, a motorcycle engineer, a road racer, a drag racer, a flat track racer, an ISDT racer, a desert racer, a motocross racer, an mx-freestyler, a streetfighter stunt rider, a ramp jumper, a wall-of-death rider, and maybe even a board track racer.
A moto-ninja should be able to powerslide a full-dressed Goldwing, and maybe jump some sand dunes with it too. A moto-ninja should be able to drag a knee on a '48 Indian Chief, ride endless wheelies on a step-through Honda 50, or win a "slow-race" on an NSR500 GP racer. A moto-ninja should also be able to build all of these machines, as well as be able to maintain these machines with junkyard scraps if necessary.
Ultimately, the purpose is to apply all these skills to street riding, and building and maintaining street machines. I don't know if all of these skills can be learned in a lifetime, but it would take at least that long if it's possible. The aquisition of these skills makes the motorcycle ninja a lifelong student, reaching for goals that may never be attained.
For now, I will prioritize the skills that seem most immediately appropriate.


COMBAT
Of coarse, in street riding, certain combat skills will be necessary to be a motorcycle ninja, and certain tools. To be unstoppable, one must be able to deal with a truly malicious and deliberate motorist regardless of the size of the vehicle, not just the typical unobservant and/or apathetic car driver.
We all have ways we deal with errant car drivers, but these are usually things we do after the fact. After we got lucky and didn't get creamed, we let the driver know that they did something wrong, and we didn't like it. Removing an attacker's mirror is nice, but just a start. The first element of street combat is obviously defense.
Sliding through cars' attacks, and predicting them in the first place is the basic starting point. Riding skill is the first and most important defense, but sometimes the moto-ninja must use tools. Particularly, when facing a deliberate and malicious four-wheeled oponent.


TOOLS
We all know that our motorcycles are our first and most important tool, and of course you must have tools to maintain the motorcycle--but this should be basic knowledge to anyone reading this. Combat tools is the subject I'm getting at.
Most riders have probably heard of old bikers carrying bags of ball-bearings or even marbles. Depending on the speed of traffic, a proper ball-bearing counter-attack may be used to literally rattle someone's cage, or even to remove a car driver's traction for a moment.
Take this concept a bit further, (using objects other than ball-bearings), and perhaps an attacker's tires may be rendered useless. Bits of razor wire welded into "jacks" perhaps, or maybe you can do better. Fabrication of tools is the moto-ninja's responsibility, whether this means finding a good way to carry a tire iron on your motorcycle, or cutting and welding whatever objects you know you may be able to use to defend yourself.






CHOPPER NINJIUTSU
Choppers are the fundamental starting point in motorcycle ninjiutsu, after learning to ride of coarse. Building a chopper begins the student in the tradition of his ancestors, teaching him many basic skills of riding and fabricating, and forging a deep connection with the motorcycle.
Building a motorcycle with the simplicity of a rigid can be like learning to use a hammer before learning to use a CNC mill, or learning stance before learning double sword forms. While the moto-ninja's bike of choice in most situations will undoubtedly be the more versatile performers like streetfighters and supermotards, the chopper can also be a serious tool of the motorcycle ninja if the chopper's inherent advantages are exploited. While the traditional rigid framed chopper is bound to be a narrowly focused tool, the immediate thrust of the rigid and the low center of gravity can make the so-inclined chopper an excellent lane-splitting tool for attacking heavy traffic in dense urban areas.
Most importantly, the chopper is the motorcycle ninja's vehicle of meditation, both in building it and riding it. The concept of balance would seem a prerequisite to riding a motorcycle, and art and expression are both embraced and produced by a balanced individual.

First do no harm. Cast away any malicious intents towards your four-wheeled attackers, and simply react as necessary.

Thats wicked!

I have been known to carry a pound of 1/4" ball bearings on me when riding. very effective in making a tailgating cage who thinks they want to "keep up" with me back off quickly. I hold no reservations about using this trick whatsoever, and if they can't get the hint from blippin the brake light at them to back off they can find themselves littered with ball bearings in the radiator and windshield of the errant vehicle.

I carry personal defense devices on my person as well, but never a firearm. I am not a gun person. I am prepared to inflict the max damage necessary to defend myself though should previously errant knothead cager decide to chase me to a stopping point.

I have thought about 007'ing a paint ball gun under the head and tail lamps of my bike with buttons on the bars to fire them should the need arise to make one "go away".

Safety comes in more ways than defensive riding, and being aware. Be prepared for anything....I will be.

Doc

oh yes i would love the paintball guns mounted to my bike.although i would need a heads-up display in my helmet for aiming.

That'd be the ultimate motorcycle, paintpall guns with a head up display.

I hope to hell you are just joking.
Yeah, yeah and if another biker comes down the road and hits the ball bearings...oh well. Or if the bearings bounce as you must know they will people in other cars or just walking will be hit. Not to mention the ball bearings bounced off the cars. I never get tired of this crap. No, no don't have any reservations on doing it... cause your action could put you away for life or take someone elses. Unbelievable...I'm gonna just assume you are full of it or kidding cause if you are not then you are a moron. One more thing... if I am coming after you and you are on a bike and I am in a car the last thing you want to do is shoot at me with a paintball gun. Cause I am going to assume again that you are trying to kill me and my weapon is a lot bigger and hits a lot heavier than yours.

Isay..Isay wot ya got there is an INBALANCE boy!! Ya'll should have da same PSI in da HEAD and in da BALLS!! Trow another 10 pounds in ya HEAD!! MEbby take a few outta the fellers whilst ya at it.